Tuesday, December 20, 2005

holiday greetings and gay happy meetings

hey y'all

the last week or so has been sweet. and by sweet i mean that i have been working non-stop for none other than....duh, vito.
i worked this private christmas party for an advertising agency that was equally as sweet as my week has been. it was totes like working in a country club. all these artsy marketing people came, including cross-eyed guy with sweet flowing phil collins hair/non-hair, his date that i completely thought was a lesbian, lady that looked like a pre-op transsexual (after much research i concluded that she was not a transsexual, much to my disappointment), creepy short middle-aged guy that kept hitting on me, slicked back hair guy, several 'is she just skinny or anorexic' girls, an adopted asian child that obviously been allowed to dress herself, seeing as she was wearing a pink shirt, a tiny, arms only jacket with sequins, although also pink, not the same shade, a black skirt, NAVY tights, and hey guys these are my first high heels shoes that were strappy and pale pink. let's just discuss her...at first we thought she was cute...she had pretty curled hair and seemed to be charming. we soon realized that her charm was put on only as an aid to get away with eating half of the 160 shrimp off of the shrimp cocktail platter. she also had like 5 hot chocolates and at the end of the night, at the gift exchange, she grabbed the microphone and proclaimed the lady next to her to be "REALLY drunk" like 5 times.
So while brat mcgee was devouring shrimp, we stood around and watched people get buzzed and made fun of them, aka smiled at the guests and provided them with excellent service. Then it was dinner time, aka, Hey everybody! let's get super wasted at the company christmas party. so there was that. there were also slide presentations, a skit, duh, the christmas medley...all sorts of fun. Heather and i sang a few times together, including "big spender" which i def did not know but i weaseled my way around the room trying to act sexy and some married gay guy gave me $100....and then heather and i sang "go tell it on the mountain" which sounded pretty good, or so we thought. vito came up to me soon after it was over and told me never to sing that song again. probably because it had too much about jesus in it.
i still haven't gotten to the best part. we totally got drunk off of the excess of this party's wine and champagne. doing sidework is a hell of a lot more fun when you just don't give a FUCK.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

we wish you a merry...politically correct season

hello readers.

i am alive. i have just been making $$$$$$ at vito's and therefore i have little time to update.

ok that is a lie.

i have been working alot but there is ALWAYS time for blogging...about vito's.

so we have this christmas medley. and vito is pretty much the WORST singer i have ever heard. but he thinks just the opposite - here is a sweet tangent, so EVERY night, he puts on this little tiny 5-year-old sized cap and sings "If I were a rich man." now, this would not be alarming if he himself were appropriately sized for said cap. he is not. we're talking 300-350 pounds here. complete with is-it-really-curly-or-just-a-perm? hair that is longish and slicked back into a ponytail. there is also evidence in this ponytail that he is in fact bald underneath, too. especially when it comes apart in places to reveal several centimeters of bare scalp. but enough about that....
the christmas medley.
so it is a...ok well medley of christmas songs (i know, duh) that has been put together by none other than vito himself, complete with piano transitions and all. this medley starts out with deck the halls, ends with we wish you a merry christmas, and has a few other christmas favorites in the middle. all very charming.
except for at the end today when during we wish you a merry christmas vito noticed that there was one, yes one black person in the restaurant, and took the microphone and screamed we wish you a happy KWANZAA, causing me to stop singing and completely laugh. it was just so inappropriate. and of course everyone immediately looked at the poor lady. luckily she looked a bit overwhelmed by the whole christmas medley and didn't seem to notice.

so there, i have posted again after not doing so for a looooong period of time.

happy neutral holiday season everyone.