Friday, September 30, 2005

love, anger, fear...UC style y'all...holla at yo girl

UC- it's just community...but please, do not attempt to pursue any sort of higher education (i.e. philosophy) at this establishment

love,

nancy zimpher

Sooooo today, i went to school early to read up on the philosophies of Plato, Socrates, Blackadoo, and others, as i am an eager young scholar yearning to fill my mind with all that the distinguished University of Cincinnati has to offer me. That said, i went the friday discussion section of my Love, Anger, and Fear philosopy class. Well, let me tell you, little did i know what i was in for. Not only was the GRAD STUDENT TA unable to prounounce the name Aristophanes
(he totally said air-ISS-toe-fains), he went on and on about chairs and how they have "chairness"...which i have to admit, i was with him on for oh, about the first 5 times he said it. Now before you think i was being hard on mr. phil major here, we were discussing love and the ideas of beauty...not of form (which was where he was going with the chair thing)

Anyway....i feel like that paragraph was going around in circles, much like said class so here is a new one. Also, to add to our list of greaaaat characters is highschool-i-am-taking-college-courses girl. Ok well, just that title alone makes her suck but may i please elaborate? thanks.
She would raise her hand and say redundant and trite things just to make herself sound smart...which i must say ms. HIATCCG, (may i call you that? thanks.) you really don't need to do that, with the exception of me and probably like 5 other people in the class, you are smarter than everyone else. and i didn't say that because i like you. i don't, i hate you. and i hate the way that you had your legs tucked up under you all "that's so raven" style. p.s. don't eat apples and drink chocolate soymilk in class. i'm glad we had this talk.

So here's to you, UC. Thank you for being there for me when i needed to take a 5th year, aka making me take out $90,000 more in student loans for just this year because i am out-of-state and your school is just that good. Thank you for my freshman english GA that spoke less english than i did. but most of all, thanks for being just community. because without that, really y'all, where would we be?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

also, p.s. it is also really awesome y'all, just so you know, to tip waitresses 10%. basically it is just great. especially when those waitresses have had a really bad day to begin with, oh maybe like the worst day, um ever. it is times like that when thinking to yourself, oh, let's see...ok...the bill was $29.78...she was a really good server, she kept our drinks full, got us boxes right away, we even TOLD her she was a good server...you know...she really deserves 5%. you know what? she was so good, i think she is gonna get 10%!!!1!!!!11! 3 dollars it is for you missy! what a lucky waitress you are!

i definately did not go in the back and cry. definately. did. not.

or say FUCK.


alot.

u-o-penis


shaw_r
Originally uploaded by caittn.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

you know what is really hard to do? blog when there is nothing overtly funny to write about. or there is, but there is someone that you share all the funny stuff with before you could blog it. and you miss this person alot. and all of the time. because this person is basically just like you and you just want to be around them pretty much, well, again, all of the time.

on that note, i met the freshmen today. or some of them. according to them, there is a counter-tenor that thinks that he is basically the new jesus. i am pretty proud of him for that. i am also proud of him for not auditioning for the undergraduate opera. because there are very obviously roles that are marked SOPRANO OR COUNTER-TENOR. so natürlich he wouldn't have gotten a part, seeing as he is the only undergraduate counter-tenor. apparently, he is way too good for an undergraduate production. yeah, i can understand that. especially since he is in the graduate choir, and is very appropriately telling all the other freshman how cool he is because of that.
PLAYA please. i have been in the "graduate" choir since i was a junior, and my friend joelle has since she was a freshman too. whatever, fucker. you just screwed yourself out of a part, and out of the voice teachers knowing who you are. you may think you are too good for the undergraduates, but we all think you are a huge tool.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

no words

hey y'all! it's me, gunshot. well, i just thought i should tell you about this thing i have been taking part in over last night and today. it's called Caitlin-as-an-Academic-Advisor/Welcome-Committee. Ok, it really started as me trying to up my tip and kind of be helpful to eager mother-son table i had last night at work. this turned into hey, let's make caitlin our own personal ccm correspondant. i told them all about ccm, wowed them with fun facts about the choral department, recruited a fellow pomodori's worker/ccm-er to come over to their table and discuss things such as music theory and composition...whatev. then- wait for it- it went past the point of no return. somehow, i really don't know how this happened, someone suggested (it was probably me in my pomodori's delirium to be perfectly honest) that they ATTEND A CLASS WITH ME. jesus christ. this is probably the worst idea i have ever heard. and i more than likely came up with it. so i, natch, got a HUGE tip. and they left. and i forgot. but then, to my complete and utter horror, following diction today, i got a tap on the shoulder. "HIIIIIIIIIIIII!" who could this be? it must be a freshman. no, wait. there is a mom too. fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck. it is choral department mom/son. and they omg! still like want to come to class with me !!!! LOL OMG !!!!!111!!!!!1!!! so now, i am headed to my death in the form of a visitor. a visitor in the form of a mother and a son. a mother and a son, who if anything, are perfectly sweet, nice, and eager. and i, my friends, am a douche.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

like sands through the hourglass...

sweet day so far cait! thanks cait, i really appreciate it. no problem girl! you deserve it.

ok so the plan was to go to school, and completely kick ass. well, isn't that the plan everyday? anyway, so not really getting any sleep last night definately helped. and taking nyquil to help me finally get to sleep at like 4am totes made it better too. so there was that. and then i had to get up at like 8 to see what my first class was, cause duh, i completely haven't checked my schedule since like july. ok so check. first class, noon. sweet. however, getting up at 11:15 and taking a shower, not such a good idea. but i totally did it anyway...because when you are me, you don't play by the rules. you are just that hardcore. so at about 12:01, i said to myself, "self, let's roll." oh, and we rolled. all the way over to school. and we got there at 12:15, only to realize that we didn't know where our 12:00 class was. amazing. so no noon class today. ah well. there is always friday, right? (read: i promise i was not that careless about it, but really, what can i do about it now?)

let's just go ahead and cut to 1:00. ok. so here we are, going to a class in the college of arts and sciences. yeah yeah. it's a filler class, aka a class i am taking so i will make it to 12 credit hours. and it seems pretty sweet. it is a philosophy class called Love, Anger, and Fear (feel VERY free to say that in a stupid voice. i did.) so we talked about emotions (again, voice time) and stuff. so i went up to ye olde ladye teaching the class at the end and was like hey, sign this thing so i can be in here fucker, and she was all like oh well you have to wait until people drop blah blah blah. sadljfa;ldsfasldhfgjwehfoa;iweh. so currently, i AM at 12 credit hours, but those 12 credit hours are being held neatly in place by an "intro to make-up" class that conflicts with a diction class that i want/need to take. i would explain it all here but, for realz y'all...it's just community and community members do not do that to each other.

so here i am now in the music library that will not let me work here anymore because i am not workstudy. wanna know how i feel about that? dfkajl;dsajf;laskjfa;sldk. that's how.

Monday, September 19, 2005

ddlkasfj;lksdjf;kldfsj

you know what my favorite kind of conversation is? when your ex, who has completely and totally ignored you for oh say about 3 months or so, instant messages you at 11:49 pm. it makes it even better when ex starts off the conversation with "who dey, huh?", as if said 3-month lapse in speaking has never occured, or better yet...was made up by ME. (yeah i know i just switched from like 3rd person to 1st person...and what?) oh, btw, this ex was also really, really awesome to me when we were together (read: not awesome) and the break-up was a really good one (read: opposite of a good one)

furthur sweetening up the conversation/destroying my life are remarks such as "anything cool go down while I was out?"

i'm sure you can all pretty much figure out or at least come up with some sweet substitutes for what i told him after that remark.

i am just so glad that he chose to re-appear back in my life like literally 1 month after i had finally gotten over him.

fuck him.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

hey so...

ok so i was looking through my saved text messages, both the incoming and outgoing, and they are pretty much amazing. i have decided to share some of my favorites with you all, as i hope they will bring you as much joy as they did me. i will not say whom they are from, to protect identities, however, if you recognize one as your own, feel free to be excited.

p.s. completely stole this idea from sarah b., aka que sera sera.

Inbox:

  • Happy freakin 4th of july blitch
  • Omg wtf lol lylas
  • Governer's school is amazing and i think we should all unite in our coolness
  • You horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony
  • Biatch im so tired where my panties at
  • Im stuck in traffic in nashville and the driver next to me is peter from opera workshops twin
  • Butt sex with quinn
  • What did bono do?
  • Baughlll! we talked about squanto in my history class
  • Wish that i was on ol rockytop
  • Shiiii
  • Do you want to go to karaoke tonight?
  • You must win...for Mits
  • No, i def did not go to a party last night & do 2 kegstands

Outbox:

  • My phone is neat
  • Stick your finger in the poo
  • This guy is a huge douche...like i totally hate him
  • Btw, bono can eat balls. i hate him.
  • Come in, we're dying. and by dying i mean i've had 1 table.
  • Booo. kev says penis.
  • Do you even have to ask lover?
  • Pomi's totes rocks, aka doesn't rock

Oh and sorry for not updating at all lately. i just.....haven't. pretty much all i can say about that. i had stuff to do/nothing to write about, someone came to visit me (hey boo!), auditions, you know whatev.

um...how's TOP THAT?

I'm king, and they know it
When i snap my fingers everybody says show it
I'm hot and you're not
But if you wanna hang with me I'll give it one shot
Top that, top that
You can give all that you can, but you will never top that!
You can dream until you're blue but you can never top that
huh huh
I'm hot and you're not
But if you wanna hang with me I'll give it one shot
Top that, top that
You can do all that you can but you'll never top that, top that

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
Such a waste of pretty face but hanging in your noone's face
I wish that you would take a look and really stop that
Top that, stop that
I don't really give a about tryin to top that
Top that, stop that
I wish you finally take a real look and really stop that
Whats this, stop that
What gives, stop that
I don't really give a about tryin to top that
top that, big deal
top that, unreal
you can try until you're blue
i will make a fool of you
TOP THAT

(p.s. you can find all of the other lyrics to the songs and raps from the brilliant Teen Witch soundtrack here )
(p.p.s. you're welcome )

Monday, September 12, 2005

and we're baaaack!

ok so pomi's. yeah, well i know. but it's a job that i am able to quickly start and where i have a bit (ok alot) of seniority. i don't have to train, be anyone's bitch, or be the new kid for like a month until someone else comes along. i went in, sat around, watched the employees smoke and drink beer and talked to a drunk guy about music for like 2 hours. perfect. also, i talked to the miraculously pregnant 55-year-old man who owns the restaurant. here, let's have a diagram. see picture to the right. everybody, meet tim. tim says hey, and not to worry about him. he knows that it looks like the baby is carrying high but the doctors have all assured him that it is normal, especially in 55-year-old men and with it being his first baby and all. they have advised him to eat alot of pizza. especially the slices that we are about to serve to customers...we wouldn't want the baby to go hungry now!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tim and i talked about alot of things. we have ALOT in common. such as our passion for music and pretty much anything artistic. he really wanted to know what i thought of Margaret Garner, an opera that he saw this summer at the cincinnati opera. i was sorry to tell him that i had not seen it. he told me about his disappointment in the music, as it sounded too much like East Side Story. I let him know that East Side Story was one of my favorites, so i could completely relate. OMG i told you we have so much in common!!!!!!!!!!!!11!@#!!

EDIT: to clarify...yes, he really did mean WEST Side Story, he is just a retard.

in other news, i had a total of 1 table for like the first 3 hours so that was awesome too. and the guy tipped me 10%, for which i happily thanked him and did a curtsey at his table upon finding out about such a lavish tip. i definately did not go in the back and call him a fucker. definately did not. but it was all ok. my night was definately not as bad as this new(ok well she has been there for like a month but whatev) girl's. one of her tables came up to me and was like um, is this salad a joke? would you want to eat it? i told them yes and then did so, clearing up the whole mess right there.

so pomi's. it is the same as it was when i quit like a year and a half ago. plenty of roaches, plenty of beer, plenty of hanging out and doing nothing. but i will tell you one thing, coming home smelling like a garlic/onion/gorgonzola fart is hard to beat.

Friday, September 09, 2005

why'd ya have to go and hurt me like that baby?

after i was so good to you. i came and auditioned for you. i even let you tell me i was 18. like 8 times. i stayed up like all night the night before my audition, looking through musical theater songbooks, trying to figure out what to sing for you. trying to impress you. my friends even helped. i only drank one glass of wine while we were looking for songs, even though i wanted to drink a whole bottle. whatev. fuck that approach. here is the real deal.

so all of my readers that have been reading since about the end of july or so know that i auditioned at vito's cafe. those of you who have no idea what i am talking about, get caught up here and here. ok so basically i made a huge deal out of nothing. i went in, sang Summertime and Mein Herr Marquis...whatever. he was all like why didn't you sing the high note at the end of summertime...blah blah blah...i personally was not aware of such a high note. he was all asshole about it (while smiling, of course) and was like, oh, well i know you can sing it, you sang higher in the other song...next time, right? hahahaha. oh yeah so fucking funny. well, little did i know, there wasn't going to be a next time. he completely was all like, oh i love your voice, oh i want to hire you, oh i am looking at your boobs, you really only look 18 caitlin, are you sure you are 22? ho, ho, ho....here, fill out this schedule, and let me know when you are available to work in august, since it is only the first week in august right now. i will try to train you in the last week of august. I DEFINATELY AM HIRING YOU RIGHT NOW AND WILL NOT IN A MONTH (+)HAVE MY WIFE CALL YOU AND TELL YOU THAT NOT ONLY ARE YOU NOT ON THE SCHEDULE AT ALL, BUT WE CAN'T EVEN USE YOU UNTIL SOMEONE QUITS, WHICH WILL BE INDEFINATELY. yeah, he totally didn't say that at all.

so now i am wondering why that happened. and i am also wondering why i completely worked at _________ for a whole fucking month and dealt with TinaWatch 2005, smelly lady, her boss, and mail lady when i could have been looking for another job, aka doing what i did today when i found out that lovely piece of news.

so everyone, if you would like more free salads, pizza, or beer at pomi's....you know where to find me. my first shift is sunday night. america, fuck yeah.

Amanda's Blog

Amanda Mohar conducts a brilliant interview with Gilbert Gottfried

Thursday, September 08, 2005

picture pages, by bill cosby (am i the only one that remembers that?)



Hey y'all! It's me, Kaiyetelinde/Karen. I have decided to do a picture blog purely for my own entertainment. Well, and yours too, y'all, since y'inz guys are the ones reading right? Well, as y'all know, i went home over the last few days and wow y'all. it. was. greaaaaaaaaat. these pictures are to show what i did while i was there.

-Ok y'all, that picture above is just me in my old apartment mostly to show what my hair looks like right now- balls. in the color department that is...so my mother and i decided to highlight it...



-Ok, this is where it gets kind of graphic, y'all. I had to brush my hair out. NOT a good scene. i got a bit catatonic.












-I think this is pretty much the best pic of me...ever.








- And then i put on my easter bonnet and was allowed to pick out one small toy because i had been good in wal-mart.










- Upon tucking all of my hair into my old lady rain cap, i did the victory rain dance of my native tribe, as putting the cap on brought rain to our land, which had been in famine and drought for many many moons.
(the she-wolf brought me a trash bag shirt as a reward)








-And then my mother, after pulling half of the alotted hair for the highlights through the holes in the old lady rain cap, decided she was over the whole highlighting thing. and so...i was haircut barbie...post haircut.

the end.





-However, not for my mother. This is the spot that she pretty much has grown roots and attached herself to. Day one at home.







- Day 2 at home. Same spot. I would have taken more, but i simply grew disinterested in her, much as she grew disinterested in my highlights. As i have been known to quote Ms. Jackson as saying in the past, "That's the way love goes."




-Here is another debut for this blog. my tiniest sister, though not so tiny anymore, Hannah. She is 14, doing drugs, having sex, drinking, and i am pretty sure she has an std. Ok well maybe not, but she definately is 14.







-Here is another one of miss juvie. this would be a good facebook picture. good thing there is a highschool facebook now so she can post hot 14-year-old pics of herself on it.









-And here is my mother, bidding you all farewell in front of my favorite place to eat lunch, Bread and Company.




And there you have it y'all. wasn't it just greaaaaaaat? i think so. bye bye y'all!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

domestic

after washing dishes for the first time in a year, i now remember why i wanted an apartment with a dishwasher. i hate washing dishes. like alot.

yay me on my 50th post and 500th visitor. :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

never gonna let you go

to the two ladies on dr. phil fighting over a "man" with a vagina and a what seems to be spirit-gummed on beard and mustache, congratulations. i have been looking for a vaginaman for a long time and have not been able to find one. good for you ladies for holding on to yours when you find a good one.

p.s. dr. phil, next time you find guests like that, you might want to send them to maury...just a thought.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

all i have to say

ok so i have been told (in not so many words) to update. i know i should have sooner, as i hate it when there is a blog that i read on a regular basis (i.e. like 50 times a day DOOCE) that doesn't update. but i am in nashville right now, at home, so i fear that my blog entries will not be quite as sweet as they have been. i guess i could tell you all that i have been watching hurricane coverage non-stop on my parent's delicious cable and as with most of the country, am appalled with the lack of response and what seems to be care and concern our nations leaders have for this disaster affecting our nation. i wrote a post vma wrap-up part 2 that basically went off about how mtv and sean p. puffy diddy didddly doo deliciouso daddy combs were so self gratifying and egocentric on the night before one of the worst natural disasters in our nation's history, but i did not post it. i wrote it before we really began to see what the government had in store, or rather didn't have in store for those poor people in new orleans, and posting it after all of what has happened this week really doesn't seem right.

so really, i guess, all i have to say at this juncture is what the rest of the country and pretty much the world is saying. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU BUSH? oh yeah. that's right...you were on vacation. excuse me, i had forgotten.